I don't remember.

I find solace in knowing we can erase our memories from the past, especially when it's painful and traumatic to the point that it haunts us and triggers our anxieties and phobias. The brain can block unwanted memories out of consciousness. That is the reason why some of the memories are now blurry, and some are gone because when we are not revisiting it, we are blocking them out. When we don't recall it, and we're pushing it from the back of our mind, we're summoning alternative memories to substitute the unwanted ones.

I feel like I can do it now easily. Unwanted memories from the past if not gone, it's all blurry. Of course, it still triggers me sometimes, but it doesn’t have that kind of effect on me anymore. Perhaps, it's already healed, it’s just that someone was triggering it before. I’m not a forgetful person so erasing memories is an achievement for me.

Now the new ones I’m trying to manipulate are the memories from the last five months. Knowing I can erase the memories on my own will gives me comfort. Yes, I can never change the fact that it happened or that someone exists, but I can forget all things that once shared. Yes, even the good ones. I can and will erase that someone entirely until I can't feel anything anymore when somebody brings that someone up or when I remember the words that someone threw on me. I already started last month, and I can see the progress.

Hopefully, next year, I forget all the things about someone, and all that I can say is, ”I don’t remember.” when that someone is the topic of conversation.

Illustration: DesignStack

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